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You Look Like I Need a Drink

**Not Quite Web 2.0**

Skymall's 10 Worst Products

Sunday, July 30, 2006

On a commuter flight from Baltimore Washington International to Logan airport in Boston a few weeks back, I decided to peruse the copy of Skymall to see if I had recently missed any gadgets that I needed to know about. Call it old age or being raised as a cynic, but have their products always been so meaningless? I decided to compile a list of their top 10 worst products.


Are you ready to fork over $229 so you too can be the talk of the tailgate party while hanging with your NASCAR buddies? Seriously though, with $229, you could buy out the stock of plastic lawn chairs at your local Home Depot. The plastic lawnchairs won't impress the ladies much but then think of all the lapdances you can buy with your saved money.


A $45 uber large rubber band is what this product is. What happened to just pushing the two twin beds together? Of course if you are having an orgy, this product might come in handy, but otherwise, why bother?


Paying $40 dollars for something that dispenses soap does seem extravagant. Yes, it is motion activated and yes, it does play 'chimes' whilst dispensing. The only good thing that could come of this product is if the ROOMBA hackers modded this product to play mp3s or maybe shoot out a jet of fire at some randomly generated time.


If you need to fork over $120 so Chuckles, your pet toy poodle can get some fresh air, I will personally come over and kill you execution style. What a waste of money, for a pet no less. What happened to driving around your neighborhood, taking a broken stroller left on the curb and fixing it to hell with duct tape?


$30 dollars for the world's largest crossword puzzle. Look, I like crossword puzzles as much as the next person and wasted many a college hour back at the University of Hawaii working on them during class, but this is just silly. Nothing screams 'I am a big dork with no life' than hanging this on your wall and actually working on it.


$450 dollars for a WTF? contraption. Yes, people will see you as eccentric and maybe somewhat enlightened when they walk into your living room and see this bizarre exercise equipment meant to stretch out your back. This picture amuses me more and more every time I see it.


At first, there seems nothing wrong with this picture. Dude by the pool chilling in some weird $99 hammock. Then we find out the damn hammock is 'portable.' Who the hell brings a hammock around anyway? Such a wasteful product but I can see the upside of bringing this to your next Monday morning corporate meeting.


For $20, you too can turn your state of the art, iPod into a baby toy. There are a plethora of iPod accessories so why the hell would Skymall feature this one?


If you can't get off the john, there is no way you will be seeing this ad as you probably also can't get off of the airplane seat where they house Skymall. $60 dollars buys you a 'Safety Seat Toilet Support.' Why can't your elderly family member not just use a cane I am not sure. But at this point, I would rather have grandma stuck on the toilet rather than clean up yet another mess she left in the dining room.


And the number one worst item at Skymall, (drum roll please). For a small donation of $160 dollars, you-pool owner can now never have to actually swim in your pool again (if you don't want to). The 'Motorized Pool Lounger' is a floatie with propellers that allows you to bask in cancer ridden sun rays and never again will you have to deal with that evil Chlorine saturated water.
Honorable mention also goes to the Snack Float.


posted by aL, 10:49 AM


#5 might be alright if you can somehow combine that with sex. Leather riding crop and chains purchased separately.
commented by Blogger Melissa Marie, 6:10 PM  
Actually an elderly or sick person many times cannot use a cane to leave the commode. My father used an item similar to your second to worst product when he grew to weak from cancer to stand well.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 8:09 PM  
I was on a United flight the other day and browsed the Skymall magazine. Your number 10 item gave me a fit and I spilled all 7 peanuts I had just been given. Your number 6 is also something I remember being sick about. But you left out two of the stupidest things I have ever seen. From memory, one was some massive inflatable "travel pillow" that you put on the tray in front of you and you lean forward to sleep on, face down with your arms straight down the sides. Perfect when you want to look dead to avoid talking to the person next to you, but otherwise just plain stupid. The second was the "paw step ramp", some ridicuolous ramp so your dog can get on your furniture. What the...?
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 9:40 AM  
I actually had the paw paw step on the tentative list but figured I had already picked on one pet item.
commented by Blogger aL, 10:51 AM  
Hehe, loved your quip about bringing the hammock to the next corporate meeting. America's biggest waste of time !!!! BTW, your #2 item is pretty useful for the elderly
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 12:41 PM  
sorry had to delete the other comment, was messing with the template. your link is here
commented by Blogger aL, 3:21 PM  
#5 in the 70's was called a gravity boot and my neighbors were caught nude with the wife doing a 69 by my three sons 4-5-6 and their three children ,,,we still laugh over this,, and they still claim it was the best aid they had, well except for a few toys.
thanks for a great site
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 9:54 PM  
Some of these products are our top sellers! Appreciate your interest and readership!

Lou Boudreau
National Accounts Manager
SkyMall, Inc.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 4:57 PM  
#5 looks like it would be dangerous to operate by yourself. How awkward!
commented by Anonymous Julie, 11:37 AM  
this to Lou Boudreau. are you on crack this stuff is bullshit the only reason this stuff sells good is because your only selling in Texas.
commented by Anonymous Lou Boudreau is gay, 6:27 AM  
Not only have you offended gays but those who reside in the great state of Texas. I'm sure you're not a customer of SkyMall. SkyMall is read buy someone who tends to be upscale and college educated.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 7:41 PM  
I am a bit ashamed to say that when I saw the giant crossword in the magazine while en route, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "We should get this."

Number 2 had me laughing my ass off, great post.
commented by Blogger Ar-Jew-Tino, 12:40 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
commented by Blogger aL, 10:43 PM  
#5 is great! I have one from long ago. It was called the Back Swing then. It is wonderful for back/disc problems and relieving the tight muscles that are stressed along the spine, for which most people go to the chiropractor. Try it! You might become a convert!
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 12:52 PM  
FYI, I am one of the people you talk to when you call to place and order at SkyMall and we do over a million $ a day in sales. Our clientel are upscale and usually are busy professionals and appreciate the wide array of products we bring to the magazine. Products #9 & #6 are some of our best sellers. Some people don't prefer to "getto" two beds together for guests or want a permanant arangement that doesnt slide apart. Some people love the challenge of a wall sized crossword or it is a great gag gift for someone who loves crosswords. Get over the bathroom helper, some people need help and this is cheaper than what they charge at the medical supply houses! We may laugh at some of the things we sell but they DO sell. Usually once we have thought about it, they make sense and we see the need. Like puppy steps, lets say you have a Yorkie that wants in bed with you and barks (waking you to reach down and pick it up), you and your pet will be happier if it can just run up and snuggle in with you without effecting your sleep. That may be worth money to someone.
I thought the smoke hood was stupid but after 9-11, most of the highrises provide them for their employees as a matter of principal. It is a matter of persective. What is stupid to one person may not be stupid to another who has had some reason to see the need for something they see. Don't be intimidated by attitudes, if you want the crossword puzzle, get it, have fun with it, expand your mind and let others read the comics only and be satisfied with their content!
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 5:00 PM  
Hey, I happen to have met Lou, he is a nice guy and when my apartment burnt up, he gave me a large TV. When you bad mouth someone you don't know, it shows your intellect isnt being used. The Internet allows for anniminity but that shouldnt allow for rudeness and ignorance. We are made in God's image and should reflect that in all our behaviour.
Make fun of the magazine, it is there to entertain and to provide products to people who are stuck in flight...captive audiences everywhere are captivated by SKYMALL! Sure some items seem silly but I see things I want all the time in the catalog, get a free one sent to you by calling 1-800-SKY-MALL.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 5:27 PM  
You frickin skymall fanboys need to learn how to take a joke for what it is.
commented by Blogger aL, 1:16 PM  
And even better, try being a Skymall partner. Pay a tremendous fee to place your product in the magazine, then sit and wait for Skymall to pay you, and wait, and wait, and wait. Even worse, after you pay the tremendous fee, you find out they allow another company with a simular product to show up right beside yours! They get a paid when the order is processed by the partner, but you won't get paid for 120 days, or more...
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 4:21 PM  
"We are made in God's image and should reflect that in all our behaviour."

not everybody in the world believes in your imaginary 'god'.
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