<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d13148410\x26blogName\x3dYou+Look+Like+I+Need+a+Drink\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://chalkline.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://chalkline.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d6309081622733023818', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

You Look Like I Need a Drink

**Not Quite Web 2.0**

New Poll Up, and Old One Posted

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

So it isn't definitive (because of the amount of people who actually bothered to answer) but looks like Asian people really do lack in giving their kids hugs. What a fucking strange thing. Basic breakdown for the August poll is as such:

Hugged only as a child (asian): 6
Hugged only as a child (not asian): 3
Hugged only as an adult (asian): 3
Hugged only as an adult (not asian): 1
I hate hugs so fuck off : 5

Apparently, you people don't care for hugs much either.


posted by aL, 5:36 PM | link | 0 comments |

Alternative Solutions to Gasoline

Yeah, I am going to bitch and moan about gas when there are people drowning and dying in Louisiana. Gas in the Washington Metro area has been horrendous. There were reports of 30 cent price hikes over the night. Prices around here are now roughly about $2.85 for 87 (regular). There has been an anti-don't-buy-gas day tomorrow on the 1st of September email going around the internet. Unfortunately with the nature of the market, a day of boycotting gas will not really affect oil companies in its intended boycott. We Americans need gas to fuel our large oversized vehicles. No way around it. 1 day of not buying gas is just 1 day. Some loss for the gas stations but shit, you'll be back on the second of September buying gas like usual.

Here is my suggestion for an alternative solution to buying gas. As pictured, the state of art Flintstones car harks back to the golden age where mobility was combined with the technology of your feet. Much closely linked to the 'pedal boats' you can rent at ponds and lakes where your pedal moves gears that rotate a circular paddle to move the boat, this Flinstone car has a hole under the dashboard that allows you to move the car by 'walking' while sitting. The beauty of this is it requires no gasoline and if you are on the crest of a hill, all you need is to coast down. Shit, at this rate, if gas prices continue to soar, I might just trade in my truck for a Flintstones car.


posted by aL, 4:44 PM | link | 0 comments |

I'm Not a Germophobe But...

...I don't necessarily enjoy sharing my drinks with other people. I think paranoia has seized me in my old age and I now fear contamination from other beings. Nothing too crazy like locking and unlocking the door twice before I leave or anything but more on the lines of cleanliness (which I am not really all that much). In my younger days, it was not uncommon for me to share a drink with a stripper friend and what not. At the fetish club I worked at, friends were always sharing drinks and nothing against that. But then you think of orally transmitted diseases like the herpes and suddenly, it doesn't seem that good of an idea to be sharing everyone's saliva. At work today, a co-worker asked if he could take a sip of my water. I gave him this incredulous look and then made up some excuse that I was just getting over being sick and that I did not want that to happen to him. Whether he believed that or not, I don't give a fuck. If I have to explain why I have herpes on my mouth, it is going to be from a hot stripper and not a male co-worker.


posted by aL, 1:48 PM | link | 0 comments |

East Coast Assholes

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I took this picture from my car the other day while I was at my bank waiting in line for the ATM. So the car in front of me was finishing a transaction and this woman was standing next to the ATM. At first, I thought it must have been an ATM repair person but she was obviously not dressed in proper work attire so I ruled it out.

As soon as the car in front of me finished their use at the ATM and pulled away, this lady standing right next to the ATM jumped right in front of my car and immediately began her transaction. What the fuck? Honestly, it wasn't like there wasn't another ATM for pedestrians within 5 minutes away. I almost floored my Toyota Tacoma to blow past her and scare the shit out of her but then I started to daydream that it would be oh so much more fulfilling if I had an H2 and just drove over her and the goddamn ATM. Then the East Coast would be short one asshole and I would be rich. See sometimes things do work out for the better. At that point in time, my daydream had finished and the driver behind me was honking his horn to tell me to get the fuck on and to the ATM and the rude lady was long since gone.


posted by aL, 1:32 PM | link | 0 comments |

Culture Shock

Monday, August 29, 2005

I went to a birthday party for my friend Veronica on Saturday. Celebrating her 31st birtday, I was the only Chinese or Asian person there so I had to represent. Liz was a little worried that she would be the only white/non Spanish speaker there but it turned out that she wasn't. So after an hour drive in the pouring rain, we made it to the correct address in Alexandria (mapquest worked for once).

As Hispanic people poured in, English conversation slowly trickled to a crawl and soon I was making up subtitles for what people were saying, as I had no clue. Luckily, body language conveys over 60% of a conversation so I was able to figure out more or less what was transpiring. Anyway, the reason for this post is to point out the differences in culture. At one point in the night, when I went to get myself another Corona, a guy pointed to his Corona and said something in gibberish (maybe I was too drunk or something) but because he looked like he knew what he was saying, and maybe he was going to allow me privy to some secret Hispanic beer drinking trick, I asked him to explain. So he lead me into the kitchen, picked up a wedge of lime, held it up to show me and then inserted the lime into the beer. I guess this was the long lost secret unknown to white man.

Now growing up in Hawaii, I have learned much about other cultures and races but before coming to the East Coast, I have had limited contact with the Hispanic culture. Later on in the night, as I was eating spicy chicken (man can they cook a bird), a girl came up to me and asked me where I was from. Because I was born in Wisconsin, I answered her 'Wisconsin.' She looked totally perplexed and at a loss of words. Liz chimed in that I was Chinese and this seemed to clear things up and the girl nodded and smiled. Obviously, Wisconsin was some foreign country or some outer planetary star. Anyway, that was fun to muse. I guess the moral of the story here is when someone asks you where you are from, never respond with 'Wisconsin.'


posted by aL, 6:35 PM | link | 0 comments |

Quick Post

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Going to a friend's house for her Birthday party. Why the hell does it have to be all the way out in Springfield VA while I am stuck in Southern MD. Ah well, should have a few pics to post tomorrow.


posted by aL, 7:06 PM | link | 0 comments |

Fall House of the Auditor

Friday, August 26, 2005

I love that Fall is sweeping through DC like some strange weather related plague. I am once again able to comfortably wear my work clothes which consists of slacks, a longsleeved collared shirt and tie, without having to worry about sweat stains and all that wonderful shit. Speaking of work, I had to spend my whole morning in Annapolis conducting audits, which is part of my job but in no way encompasses my whole job description. Anyhow, in the few hours driving around Annapolis, I was asked by 3 different people for directions. What the fuck do I look like? I guess I look like I know where I am going (to hell). So I came up with an idea that I thought would be pretty funny, although not as profitable as some of my other odd ideas.

So I should get dressed up in my nicest work clothes, down to the watch that screams 'bling,' pack my laptop (probably the Thinkpad because it is nicer than my Toshiba), and Metro it into DC. Outside let's say Metro Center Station (high volume of traffic), I will have to open my laptop and make sure I can find a WiFi access point (isn't hard in DC, there are a ton of access points). Then I will post my sign that reads "Directions, 50 Cents!!!" Then when lost people see me (and they will because of my big bill board), I can hop online, Google Map it or Mapquest the directions. Now, that would be something constructive I could spend my time doing instead of audits. And I might even have the opportunity to make 50 Cents.


posted by aL, 12:54 PM | link | 0 comments |

Find Your Ex (the easy way)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Yesterday, I very briefly covered some cool things you can do with Google. I forgot to add that you can also search for specific files by using search strings with the words 'filetype' within in your search. But the link on the previous post should be enough to satisfy your file searching appetite.

Moving on, and continuing with search engines, if you have not gone to www.zabasearch.com/ yet, I recommend you go there looking for an old friend (or ex you want to stalk and kil..err, nevermind). The people at zabasearch have modified it since the last time I was using it (about 5 months ago) and now include the use of multiple search engines such as dogpile.com, lycos, alta vista, as well as a few other search engines. When I first found zabasearch, I must have spent close to an hour searching all of my friends, both knowing where they live as well as those I had lost touch with and was curious where they were. Now, zabasearch allows you to run (with a small fee) a background history of the person you are searching (hello, new roomie). Lastly, I would also like to mention that searches with common first and last names are generally harder to find (duh!). I found that some friends with common first and last names were farther down the list whereas people with strange or uncommon last names came up right away. Give it a try and suprise your Ex when you show up on their doorstep at 3AM brandishing a shiny new hatchet!


posted by aL, 10:59 AM | link | 0 comments |

Google Hacks(sic.)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Everyone knows how to use Google to find what they are looking for. Well the word 'everyone' isn't the right word but the first one to come to mind. So you might have heard on the news or on cnn.com that 'hackers' are now using the search engine to discover credit card numbers, sensitive data, and things on the Internet that people thought were restricted from the general public. Truth be told, people have been using Google to uncover hidden data for quite some time now. Today, I will briefly go over some search strings you can add to your next searches to maximize your efficiency and maybe even uncover some things you wouldn't normally find. Go here for a great site to check out for google hacks and to learn about some not so known features of Google.

So for example, you curiously want to see if you can google up some passwords. In Google, you could type something like intitle:"Index of" passwords modified. You are now narrowing the search down to the words 'Index of' within the title search of Google. Chances are, because this search string has already been published, if there were any legit passwords, they are long since null and void as thousands of people have already run the same search. So then what? Well get a little imaginative and change the search query a little and see what happens. Instead of using the phrase 'passwords modified,' try using the word 'passwd.' There are endless possibilities and the more you modify your searches, the better. Not convinced yet? Maybe you have heard of web cam hacks?

Personally, I wouldn't call Google searches a 'hack' but the term has already been coined. Don't forget that while it is very easy to see the stupid blunders others have made on the net, that if you (or your business)have your own site, it is also quite possible that you are also making the same mistakes.


posted by aL, 5:01 PM | link | 0 comments |

Start Wearing Purple

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

My connection at home is shot so I am once again forced to wardrive to check my email and other such nonsense. I have already checked the router and it seems like my host (for today) does not even bother changing the default password on his/her router. Looks like port 6346 is open, so I am going to hop onto limewire.
Expect a real post tomorrow.


posted by aL, 5:22 PM | link | 7 comments |

Dumb Little Quips that Inspire...

Monday, August 22, 2005

#205633 +(3880)- [X]
WallJam7: roses are red
WallJam7: violets are blue
WallJam7: all of my base
WallJam7: are belong to you

My brain is a little fried from work today so no long diatribes. I had another quick and easy tutorial ready but that is going to have to wait until later this week. I got sent this link for Top 100-200 Quotes. It is quite hilarious, go check it out. I love the one about Donut Seeds.


posted by aL, 5:24 PM | link | 0 comments |

Back Like the Herpes...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I am back from VA Beach. I am drained from the 5 hour drive back but otherwise, still own all of my limbs. The trip started off with the normal family dysfunction of yelling, finger pointing and eventually crying (and short of my daughter, it wasn't even my blood family!) But things eventually died down (a few hours before leaving) and all went well from there. I am back to my normal schedule this week so after work tomorrow, I shall update with some pictures.


posted by aL, 6:14 PM | link | 0 comments |

Out to VA Beach for the Weekend

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I will be doing the typical DC/East Coast thing which is going to the beach for a small vacation before the grind of my work starts up again. I will be bringing my laptop with me but that does not guarantee I will be able to log on and update, so don't be surprised if this page is stagnant for a few days. In the meantime, here is some good reading on bypassing firewall restrictions at work or on a private network. Peace out.


posted by aL, 2:46 PM | link | 0 comments |

Rise Against @ 9:30 Club (to them these streets belong)

The delay in posts is due to my lack of sleep and also for a rude awakening straight to the 9:30 club(in DC) to see the Rise Against show.
We got to the 9:30 club around 6:45 and were promptly ushered in right at 7PM. The multi-tiered venue was a welcome change from the shithole sister-club in Baltimore called Sonar. I got my drink on at the bottom bar and worked my way to the uppermost deck where there was a wonderful view of the stage set back a couple hundred feet (and conveniently also another of the many bars). After a few Jack Daniels on the rocks, The Loved Ones went on stage and did a great set (they were not so drunk this time). The crowd was into it but because of the next 2 bands, a fair amount of the crowd consisted of hardcore kiddies. Liz was the only one I saw that was wearing an old Clash T-shirt. I did manage to speak to a guy wearing a Minor Threat shirt but mostly drowned in From Autumn to Ashes shirts, a bunch of Strike Anywhere and also a handful of newer band shirts. Ok, enough with the crowd. After The Loved Ones did a good 30 minute set, Comeback Kid stormed on stage and appeased their audience. Personally, I wasn't so much into them and spent their 30 minutes on stage drunk-text messaging my friend Nell in Seattle to pass the time. Apparently she rides the bus, but that is neither here nor there. Sorry for the post-drunken rambling. From Autumn to Ashes followed with a good dose of hardcore and actually sounded pretty decent. In one sentence, Rise Against put on one of the best live shows, as well as one of the longest sets intertwining songs from their latest record to songs from their previous record (revolutions per minute). Tim sounded a little off for the first 4 songs as the mic needed some level adjustment but rolled on right through it until the problem was fixed. Getting the crowd pumped up, I was not the only person to lose my voice. In between songs, the band spoke to the crowd on a personal (not rockstar-ish) level and did not inject too much politics but mostly just expressed their appreciation for everyone that had come out. I personally did not like the PETA people that had a booth set up but at least they didn't harass the crowd too much for signatures and what not. Rise Against did a final encore with 3 songs ending with 'to them these streets belong.' Overall, I have to say that I was impressed with their live act and even had they not played, I would have at least gone just to see The Loved Ones. Great show, and good venue. Now it's bedtime for me.


posted by aL, 12:41 AM | link | 0 comments |

Registering for a Domain Name...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I am currently in the works of a possible new site so as such, I have spent some time on Register.com. I was able to find the possible name for the new site but as it has not yet been purchased, I am unable to leak the name without the possibility that someone else will snag it and attempt to sell it back to me for an inflated price. I got bored after that and wanted to see what other domain names were available. Using the full extent (something like 3.4% of my brain) of my vast database index in my head, I unfurl the list of domain names that have not been bought yet. Behold!

Available Domain Names

What? You think I am the deviate here? That could not be further from the truth. In all actuality, that meager list took me about 10 minutes of frantic domain name searches. What that means is that a bunch of domain names I searched for already existed. Pretty scary stuff.


posted by aL, 8:07 PM | link | 0 comments |

List of Fetishes...

I was listening to my morning dose of Elliot in the Morning today and they happened to be on the topic of a bondage club in DC that is no more. This brought back fond memories of the days where I worked as set up crew for Dungeon Hawaii. Anyway, I decided to google up a list of fetishes and see what I have been missing. Here is a sample:
The text in bold and the (...) is my comment.

"Bukkake: (Japanese word meaning ‘to pour.’) dozens of men ejaculate onto a woman’s face.( Don't knock it until you've tried it)

Castration Play: Arousal from thoughts/threats around castration (Also see, Jewish Mothers)

Chili Dog: Act of defecating on a woman’s chest and masturbating between her breasts.(My friend in the Navy told me about this one before)

Conga Line: a group sex activity in which men are connected through anal sex.(bum, bum, bum, da, bum, bum *kick*)

Crating: S&M practice in which a master packs his slave in a crate and sends him to friends by post.(Sure, it's illegal when I do it to my kid)

Crush: about stepping on food, insects, toys, or other bodies.(Anyone have a young kid with this problem?)

Disney/Toons: Disney or other commercial cartoon characters depicted engaging in sexual activities.(Gives the parents something to look forward to)

Dirty Sanchez: Giving sexual partner a “moustache” by transferring their feces from anus to under the nose.(Really, you didn't already know?)

Dog in a bathtub: Act of inserting testicles into partner’s anus, so called for being as tricky as its namesake.(That's a new one for me. Have to go down to Dupont Circle and run a poll there)

Docking: Male inserting his penis in the foreskin of another man's penis (tip to tip)(I thought my ipod was the one doing the docking? Damn, now I'm confused)

Electrical (Electro): attraction to playing with electrical current (Also see, Dayne)

Emetophilia: Arousal from vomit or vomiting.(We will get into this again later)

Ero-Manga: Erotic comic strips from Japan.(Aw yeah, Anime freaks)

Shoes: Fetish typically for high heeled womens shoes. (Quite a common fetish)

Smothering: Fetish involving people sitting on your face/body to the point of restricting breathing (Smell my face!)

Snowballing: Sexual play in which one partner drools semen into the mouth of another. (Won't even get into it)

Sploshing: Sexual play involving covering the body with food (especially associated with England, often involving baked beans and molasses).(Where the fuck did those Brits come up with baked beans?!!)

Super-Heros: Sex play involving dressing up as super-Heroes. (I am Aquaman, Defender of the under sea!)

Teabagging: repeatedly dipping the scrotum into a partner’s mouth. (I am more of a mollywhop person, personally)

Uniforms: Fetish for uniforms such as secretaries, doctors, nurses, maids, air hostesses, nuns, military, police, fire fighters... (How's about hot clown sex?)

Upskirt: Sub category of voyeurism typically involving hidden cameras capturing images of women’s underwear from a low angle.(View from the toilet is usually the best)

Vominatrix: A dominatrix who specializes in vomiting on her clients. (That shit is awesome)

Watersports: cf. golden showers- urination play.(Usually does not involve a slip-n-slide)"

The rest of the info can be found here. Enjoy! (you damn deviates)


posted by aL, 10:10 AM | link | 7 comments |

DIY Car Freshner Part II

Monday, August 15, 2005

On my way to work at 2AM (with my car already filled with the aroma of coffee beans), I was musing about random things. The air conditioner was going and I was listening to the twit podcast. Now I don't normally need to use the air conditioner at 2AM but because the weather has been so damn relentless lately, I am forced to do so. Then the idea came to me. Instead of my ugly old baby jar coffee scented air freshner, what about hacking open one of those racer style air fresheners that you have to clip to your AC vents and instead of the boring strawberry scents, using coffee beans? Get ready for a faster, slicker, more sexy car freshner you can make in about 3 minutes flat.

Once again, you need coffee beans and this time buy a clip on air freshner (about $2.50).

I actually used a workbench this time but it was not needed. The flathead screwdriver was also handy but not needed as I just had to use my fingers and pry the scent holder open.

Then fill the SOB up with coffee beans and snap the plastic holder back to its locked position.

See, it doesn't take an engineer to do this (even though I am one).

Then mount that bad boy on your AC vent and you are done. Mmmm, the smell of fresh coffee beans at 2AM will be nice on my drive in tomorrow.


posted by aL, 11:59 AM | link | 0 comments |

Hacker or Serial Killer?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

This has been on the net for some time now but for those of you who have not seen it yet, go give it a try. Oh, and thanks goes out to everyone that went to go digg my article on DIY coffee scented car freshner. OK, Family Guy is on so I gotta go.


posted by aL, 8:26 PM | link | 0 comments |

DIY Coffee Scented Car Freshner

I was getting tired of the aftermarket car scents that dangle from your rear view mirror. Besides, short of going to an automotive store, I was never able to find a coffee scented car freshner so I decided to make my own.
Total cost= around 3 dollars

Here are the supplies you will need. Coffee beans, a small jar to hold the beans (preferably with an aluminum lid), a fork (I used a hammer and a small pick for making the holes in the lid).

Because I used baby jars, I had to empty the contents of that nasty mush out. After I dumped the contents out, I put a dab of toothpaste in each one, filled the rest with water and shook it a few times to get the smell of baby food out.

Here are my jars drying out. You want to make sure that your jars are completely dry before continuing on the project.

Here I punched holes with my pick and hammer. You can use a knife, fork or whatever you choose but I wanted a little more control in the placement of vents (my second jar was much more aligned).

Now take your coffee beans and fill the jar to the brim.

There she is. Done quite painlessly.

Total time from start to finish was about 10 Minutes.


posted by aL, 2:32 PM | link | 24 comments |

Computer Question and Update on Current Project

Saturday, August 13, 2005

So I have let you down. I apologize profusely but it is the nature of the beast (which one I am not sure). My current project is lacking in a few supplies and should be posted tomorrow.
So I spent the rest of the afternoon fiddling on a friend's computer. Let me set up the scenario and maybe someone can help me. So this HP box running XP got its NIC fried by a lightning storm. Prior to that it was working. Apparently Comcast told my friend that the card itself was dead so we put in a new NIC. After starting Windows, it did not detect the new hardware and checking the device manager, the card did not show up. Looking at the LED on the back of the card, I saw that it was not lit. So I tried it in another slot but still not working. The box functions fine otherwise and I told my friend that it was probably a hardware problem. Any ideas?
On a side note. Here is a site that helps you creat these nifty buttons.



posted by aL, 11:42 PM | link | 0 comments |

Wiki on List of Unusual Deaths

Friday, August 12, 2005

Blame my productivity on posting to something weather related as it is scorching outside and I am stuck inside. Quick Wiki post on a list of unusual deaths. Riveting. Here is an excerpt "456 BC: Aeschylus, Greek dramatist, according to legend, died when a vulture, mistaking his bald head for a stone, dropped a tortoise on it." Go here to view the rest.


posted by aL, 6:44 PM | link | 0 comments |

My Love Affair with Machines...

Between you and I, I have a confession to make. I have found the set of washing/drying machines that I want to purchase and I don't even own a house. I mean look at what the marvels of modern day technology has done to washing machines. I wonder if it is network compatible and all I need is to plug in a CAT5 and then I can stay up all night with my new washing machine chatting, laughing and throwing meaningful glances with hints of sexual abuse. Liz has already threatened me that if I buy an ibook , I will suffer the consequences. My excuse is that I just want to learn more about OSX or Tiger. Nothing too extravagant or anything. Sleek, shiny, and full of functions, this one does knock the wood paneling off on my post of the shoe shining machine in my work bathroom (but please don't tell her I said that, she might never shine my shoes thereafter).


posted by aL, 5:58 PM | link | 0 comments |

Hotter than Hades...

No, I am not referring to my swash-buckling good looks, or my ability to pierce the gaze of a hot broad at 500 paces amidst a crowd of male supermodels. In all seriousness, today has been hotter than all hell, and this is coming from a guy that spent 2 decades under the sun in Hawaii. OK, so I was not consistently under the sun, but let's not argue semantics today. When I woke up at 2AM to go to work in Dulles VA, it was already hot. If that isn't some sort of awful sign or premonition to what the actual day will be in terms of weather, I don't know what is. On a sidenote, Pat from DCblogs found me through my zombie landscaping blog, so now I am listed under his site. So if you don't want my one-sided spew of life in DC, take a look at DCblogs and you can find a more diverse intersection of life in the DC area.


posted by aL, 4:02 PM | link | 0 comments |

NetBSD on a Toaster

Thursday, August 11, 2005

I normally do not write much on recent tech news posted on major sites. Why come here for your daily tech info when you can go to slashdot.org or digg.com? But porting NetBSD to a regular toaster? Pure genius.


posted by aL, 7:49 PM | link | 0 comments |

Landscaper Zombies

I was driving home today and on my horrendous drive I happened to notice a landscaping truck with the company name of Romero. Thinking about George Romero, I started to daydream about zombies. Then I came up with the idea that it would be cool to own a landscaping business where your employees had to dress up like zombies-wait, hear me out! So instead of waking up in the morning, hearing a lawnmower, peeking through a hole in the drapes to see sweaty mexicans, you would see zombies shuffling around in your yard with the pruning hedges, or sitting on a ride on lawnmower covered in rotting flesh and all that wonderful stuff. I personally think there could be a niche market in there, and if you take my idea, please send me a small royalty check.


posted by aL, 1:51 PM | link | 5 comments |

How to be an Efficient Slacker at Work and Leave Early

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Today I will give a brief overview on how you can be less productive at work, and seem like you are accomplishing more than your fellow co-workers. The first half will describe steps you can take at the office to decrease productivity, and the latter half will delve into how you can leave your work early. Let's begin.

At Work:
*Show up 5-10 minutes early everyday. If you are going to be a few minutes late, call your boss. By getting to work early, you are setting a standard and showing your boss and management that you are dependable and care about your job. As far as calling your boss if you are going to be late, it shows that you are responsible (even if you are not!).

*When walking to your office, around or away, keep yourself at a brisk pace greeting co-workers and employees but keep your chatter to a brief friendly 'hello,' or 'good morning,' but walk with a purpose that emits the non-verbal signal saying that 'you are busy.' Carry paperwork under one arm or a clipboard to increase credibility. People will think you are busy if you look busy and are more prone to leave you alone.

*Create a checklist after you have finished a few tasks and make sure to display it on your desk where your boss will see it. A stack of paperwork will add the effect that you are busy. Once your props are set, you can spend the rest of the day writing tutorials on how to be lazy at work, or how you shop for products on eBay.

Leaving Early:
*When leaving early, you never want to establish a pattern. Keep your boss guessing. If you are predictable, your boss will intercept you and your carefully laid out plans will be foiled. Remember, predictability will kill you.

*When leaving, leave by alternative exits. If you have more than one exit, find the one with the most direct path out with the least amount of foot traffic. Once again, vary your exits as you do not want to fall into the habit of leaving by the same exit. As you are walking out, scan the halls for potential nosy co-workers or management. If you spot one and are unable to U-turn, whip out your cell phone and pretend to be engaged in a conversation and when passing your co-worker or boss, nod to acknowledge their presence (you can always find an excuse later).

*If caught head on by your boss as you are attempting to make your exit (as I was today), say you are going out to your car to get your cell phone, or that you need a breath of air. DO NOT look meek or apologize. Showing weakness will give your management a leg up on your situation.

Most importantly, remember the equation time=$$$ . In reality you will not be able to cut out of work a few hours early all of the time. If your boss asks you to stay past the duration of the shift or until the work is complete and you will not get compensated for the amount of overtime you work, politely refuse and use an excuse that you need to pick up your son/daughter/brother/mother and you would love to stay but simply can't. Keep the excuse brief but not too rehearsed. Remember, management loves unpaid overtime hours and if you stay late once, they will expect it in the future.

Hope this tutorial helps you to be a more efficient slacker. Happy slacking!


posted by aL, 6:51 PM | link | 4 comments |

My Employee Smells Gamey...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Welcome to another addition to blogging about work (which will one day catch up to me). So I spent my day training an employee today that who gives off a weird odor. Sort of like a weird stench that if I were a female bear in heat, I would be digging the smell. Maybe it is the pheromones, but I cannot be in the same truck as him at the same time or I might gag from the smell. It would be easy to dislike the guy except that he has a positive outlook and is quite willing to learn the new system. Unfortunately, he also is not the sharpest tool in the shed and I had to remind him of the implementation of the new system and what not. I still wonder how the hell I ended up telling other people what to do. Maybe reading all those blogs about how to cheat the system finally paid off?


posted by aL, 9:30 PM | link | 0 comments |

Reason For New Poll

Strangely enough, I have been discussing the topics of being hugged as a child and/or as an adult with my friend Kaspar that also happens to be Chinese. Now I am not sure if it a cultural thing but I can recall that my parents stopped hugging me when I was about 5 years old(insert joke here). Now, since I see my parents roughly once a year, when I do see them it is okay to hug. Apparently Kaspar has the similar hugging situation where he only sees his parents once in awhile. Other than that, physical contact with the rents is kind of weird. So I have sent an email to the 3 other Asians I keep in touch with asking them about being hugged. I am surmising that my white friends had more physical contact with their parents. Hmm, maybe I better go an revise the poll.


posted by aL, 4:24 PM | link | 0 comments |

Quick Recap

Just woke up from a quick nap. Should be posting some more stuff later today. In the meantime, thanks to all who went to digg my article on cracking MD5 hashes with Cain and Abel. Didn't make the front headlines but I have one in the works that will (but that won't be written for about 2-3 weeks). My friend Kris at Dreamlogic.net also posted my second guest tech article. Go here to view it, and if you have questions, ask away.


posted by aL, 12:42 PM | link | 0 comments |

Stealing my letters...

Monday, August 08, 2005

This is amusing for a few minutes until you get frustrated with people stealing your letters and you decide to hoard all of the letters in a big pile. Better yet, team up with some friends and really piss some people off.


posted by aL, 5:07 PM | link | 0 comments |

2 Minute Tutorial on Cracking MD5 Hashes With Cain and Abel

So you obtained a Microsoft Database File in which you think is an admin password but are foiled when opening the file to discover that it is encrpted with a MD5 hash. There are a bunch of apps out there that will crack your MD5 hash but today I will cover how to do so quick and painlessly with Cain and Abel.

First, open the file to view the hash.

Next, copy the hash.

Next, fire up Cain and Abel

Click on the 'Cracker' tab and either push the + button to enter your hash or right click on a blank box under the MD5 box to enter in your hash.

Now right click under the 'Password' box to set how you want to crack the hash. Try the dictionary attack first as it is reasonably fast. If that fails, go down the line and try the other attacks. Be patient as harder passwords will take much longer.

If your attack is successful, your cracked hash will be displayed.

Now, go back to the front door and root the box, just kidding.



posted by aL, 12:52 PM | link | 27 comments |

Work Sucks...

I decided to take day off from all the bullshit going on at work today. I have a slew of articles that need to be finished by early this week as well so I had better get cracking on those. In the meantime, here is an application used for taking screenshots. I have used hoversnap for about 2 years now and it has served its purpose well as freeware. Simple and efficient is how I would describe it.


posted by aL, 8:41 AM | link | 0 comments |

Flogging Molly Part II

Sunday, August 07, 2005

5 hours later, I still have a dull ringing in my right ear (which is usually a sign of a good concert). Ok, so I will start from the beginning.
At 5PM, we finally found out that tickets were going to be sold at the door and that only 150 remained. So Liz and I got dressed in a hurry, got directions to the Sonar Club in Baltimore and got thoroughly lost amidst the one-way streets in Balimore. Fortunately, we were one of the last 15 people to get tickets to the show.
Gogol Bordello opened as an act that could have headlined (if Flogging Molly were not on the bill). With a Mad Caddies-esque sound combined if you took Serj (from System of a Down) and added him as the lead singer but only if he took a pirate/bohemian theme is sort of how Gogol Bordello sounded. Thoroughly impressed with the gypsy punk band.
Throw Rag (won't even link them) was pretty unimpressive. By this time, I was sober (as I was driving) and somewhat annoyed by the crowd. In-between sets, a horrible DJ of some sort spun music in no particular order mixing reggae and some old school punk. At one point, I almost burst out laughing when I heard one of the kiddies behind me say, "Ooooh, is this Operation Ivy?"
Sonar itself was also not that much of a great venue. You walked into a dim lit warehouse (reminded me of work) where the farthest end was a mediocre bar, one side was the bathrooms and of course one wall was the stage.
Flogging Molly went on at 11PM and immediately the crowd went nuts. Because we happened to be near a trash can, it got knocked over when the crowd got pushed back due to the pit. Beer was sprayed, Guinness was drank and we all sang along. At one point, the band dedicated a song to President Bush that was awarded with boos and laments. The catch however was that the song was titled 'selfish man.' Flogging Molly surprised me by playing more of their older stuff from Drunken Lullabies and not so much from their newly released (or semi new now) stuff. All in all, it was a great time. It was worth the 26 bucks I had to shell out to see Flogging Molly.


posted by aL, 9:10 AM | link | 0 comments |

Flogging Molly Part I

Sorry for the lack of posts today, I ended up going to a Flogging Molly show at the last minute. I am now smelling exceptionally strong of club (alcohol, tobacco, and smoke). Not to mention that I am deaf in my right ear (with that dull ring echoing). Expect a full review in the morning---err, late morning.


posted by aL, 2:04 AM | link | 0 comments |

I am X81-60. I am here to service you sexually....

Friday, August 05, 2005

Most of the time at work I use the downstairs bathroom as the one on my floor is usually a sausage fest. So I was at work the other night at 1AM figured that if I hit the regualr bathroom then, I would not have to deal with hordes of managament mule. Lo and behold I saw this archaic box of shoe polishing sitting there. I had to take a pic. I got all warmed up and ready to polish my shoes and then found out that it was making noise but not actually functioning. DAMN! I was planning to whip out my IBM Thinkpad after that and give it a new coat of black.


posted by aL, 7:19 PM | link | 0 comments |

Avoiding Sleep...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I got pulled over at 3AM today on my way to work for my fucking 2.5 hour commute. Apparently my tags have been expired for a month (good thing I hid the crack pipe and illegal immigrants). So chalk up 50 bucks for a ticket (no points taken off), 150 dollars for re-registration and now the state of Maryland is 200 dollars ritcher. I in the meantime, get to doze off while driving to a piss poor planned system at work while my boss is on vacation. What a pisser. Speaking of urine, I will upload a pic tomorrow of this fantastic machine I took a picture of at work the other night. No worries, G-rated pic. Currently working on a new tutorial and should be up by the weekend. Peace out.


posted by aL, 7:37 PM | link | 0 comments |

How to Avoid 'the Crying Game' Scenario

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The bottom line is that I do actually care about you and feel pangs of anxiety when I find out that my fellow gents have been getting their freak on only to discover part way through, that they are trying to seduce a fellow man, or worse, a transgender. Today, I will briefly cover some tips and misnomers that you can follow so you don't end up retching horribly into the toilet after you find out that your date's mule is bigger than your own.

1.) Tits. Yes, this seems quite obvious that just because someone has tits it automatically makes them female. Stop and think logically for one second. And while you are at it, check other places than just the breasts. Anyone can pay for tits these days. Hell, you can take large doses of estrogen if you don't want silicone.

2.)Face. She looks like a girl you say? That's not good enough where today's world of facial reconstruction, scalp enhancement, brow position, and mandible surgeries are possible.

3.)It looks clean down south. So she has a fucking vagina--or should I say 'he' has a fucking vagina. Don't be so naive. I hate to send you here but Vaginoplasty anyone?

Ok, so we get to the root of the problem. What are you supposed to look for when trying to spot the shemale or transgender? You say, damn, with all these surgeries and marvels of modern day technology, how can I really tell if my date/girlfriend/wife is really a man? Well my 5 year old has a tip. She tells me that you can always tell if it is a girl if they have eyelashes. But on the serious side, here is what to watch for.

Telltale Signs:

1.)Facial Hair. Yes, very obvious IF you are not staring at his tits all night and in the dim club setting only happen to notice a stubble after 4 hours of bumping and grinding on the dance floor. A good place to look for facial hair is under the chin as the average sloppy male will sometimes miss a hair or two there. However, just because she has some peach fuzz on her upper lip it doesn't give you the right to curb her outside the club. And there is actually a large percentage of women that have light peach fuzz on their upper lip. So keep reading.

2.)The telltale Adam's Apple. The throat should have a protruding bump if it is a fully developed male. Still, I have read that an Adam's Apple reduction is possible. Look for scars. If the freak has a scar right where the Adam's Apple is, run like a madman.

3.)The hands. As far as I know, there are still no surgeries out that can make hands appear more feminine. If the chick you dig has huge mitts, and you have spotted other telltale signs or are slightly unsure, take the safe road and get the hell out of the tranny bar.

I hope this article helps in unravelling the mysteries of the sexual reassignment that is more prevalent in today's world than one might expect. On a side note, I have nothing against gays, drag queens, or even people who have gone through sex changes so don't call me a bigot.


posted by aL, 12:48 PM | link | 1 comments |

WiFi and Your Neighborhood...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I was just over at a neighbor's house because my daughter wanted to be around some immature people her own age (I guess no matter how immature I am, the fact still stands that I am old). Because my neighbor just recently signed up for Broadband through Comcast (the devil's company), they were unsure about how to install their linksys router and connect it wirelessly to their 900 MHz computer (I almost told them to switch to linux). They used everyone's favorite router (Mmmm, I would like to upgrade your firmware). But my neighbors also have shared drives so I will have to be the nice guy turn on encryption. That will be the good deed for the day. Not that I think there are many script kiddies in this hick neighborhood.


posted by aL, 5:39 PM | link | 0 comments |

Sleep Deprived Car Accidents...

So I have been doing one hell of a commute. Roughly 2 and a half hours everyday. On my way into work (at 2AM), I have recently been having the problem of getting to the point that I feel it might not be so bad to nod off while at the steering wheel. I guess it also does not help that I only listen to classical music at that time of the night. Yeah, go ahead and call me a pussy but shit, I can't listen to the adicts all the time. Anyway, I have also been quite into getting my daily feed of tech news through podcasts and since I have such a fucking car ride, I can usually get quite amount of content covered which is actually nice (as opposed to breaking up the podcasts for shorter rides). I have been listening to twit.tv/ as well as revision3.com/diggnation. BUT my new favorite podcast--err sorry guys, radio show is Infonomicon Media. Those fuckers are funny as hell. Here is the link for the index of his shows. Hopefully, these will keep my from falling asleep and fatally wrapping my Chinese head around a curb off the freeway at 3 in the morning. If not, at least I will die listening to stuff I find amusing and interesting.


posted by aL, 2:51 PM | link | 0 comments |

sniffing my dirty laundry...

Monday, August 01, 2005

In this day and age where people get arrested for leeching WiFi, you never really want to keep incriminating evidence on your hard drive. The 1337 hacker will keep his/her nose clean by keeping incriminating tools or software on a remote server. But let's face it, I don't always feel like logging onto my server (which is not always reliant) and get lazy and eventually keep my own tools right on my hard drive. Shit, I am so damn lazy that my desktop has a folder named "utilities." So what happens when you are about to get caught and need to erase your hard drive? Well, short of using thermite to incinerate your hard drive, you may want to look into some other shredding options. For some info on how the FBI recovers data on your computer, take a look here. In short, be paranoid, be wary, but be careful, but don't think that just because you passworded your windows XP login that you can keep out nosy feds.


posted by aL, 4:45 PM | link | 2 comments |