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You Look Like I Need a Drink

**Not Quite Web 2.0**

Stupid Signs for Stupid Managers (which trickles down to stupid employees)

Monday, September 12, 2005


I took this picture the day I was at Kohls hacking their Symbol Barcode Scanner. I thought it would be funny to photoshop a picture of Molly Shannon saying, "Superstar!" but I am too lazy and the more that I think about this sign, the more I am disgusted at what employers will do in attempting to boost employee morale.

Would I be happy if I had my picture up as Employee of the Month? Hell no, would you? It's not like they are paying you a bonus or giving you more stock options. What they are really doing is giving you a free reward so you will stay loyal to the company. Think of a parent giving a child a piece of candy to chew on during church so the child will shut the fuck up allowing the beaming parents to display what a good, quiet (emphasis on the word 'quiet') and well behaved child they have. Now going back to the big picture, A Superstar of the month gets to park 10 feet closer to the door (wow, I really get 10 whole feet?), and gets to be hated by other co-workers who have less drive (and no spiffy sign for where they park their car). I digressed there as it was not a look at the forest but merely the trees. But take a step back and look what it does for the company.
They get loyal employees for offering a fucking piece of asphalt for their worker bees to park their piece of shit cars, or put up their ugly mugs (faces) on poorly constructed poster boards proudly displaying Employee of the Month. Remember that unfortunately business is business, and that no matter how much you think your work loves you, think a little more before they dangle a carrot in front of your nose and that no matter how charming, handsome, pretty or slutty you are, you can be replaced in a wink if need be. They will pay you as little as they can but don't let them buy your loyalty with a fucking moronic sign or small billboard.

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posted by aL, 12:58 PM

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