How to be an Efficient Slacker at Work and Leave Early
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
*Show up 5-10 minutes early everyday. If you are going to be a few minutes late, call your boss. By getting to work early, you are setting a standard and showing your boss and management that you are dependable and care about your job. As far as calling your boss if you are going to be late, it shows that you are responsible (even if you are not!).
*When walking to your office, around or away, keep yourself at a brisk pace greeting co-workers and employees but keep your chatter to a brief friendly 'hello,' or 'good morning,' but walk with a purpose that emits the non-verbal signal saying that 'you are busy.' Carry paperwork under one arm or a clipboard to increase credibility. People will think you are busy if you look busy and are more prone to leave you alone.
*Create a checklist after you have finished a few tasks and make sure to display it on your desk where your boss will see it. A stack of paperwork will add the effect that you are busy. Once your props are set, you can spend the rest of the day writing tutorials on how to be lazy at work, or how you shop for products on eBay.
*When leaving early, you never want to establish a pattern. Keep your boss guessing. If you are predictable, your boss will intercept you and your carefully laid out plans will be foiled. Remember, predictability will kill you.
*When leaving, leave by alternative exits. If you have more than one exit, find the one with the most direct path out with the least amount of foot traffic. Once again, vary your exits as you do not want to fall into the habit of leaving by the same exit. As you are walking out, scan the halls for potential nosy co-workers or management. If you spot one and are unable to U-turn, whip out your cell phone and pretend to be engaged in a conversation and when passing your co-worker or boss, nod to acknowledge their presence (you can always find an excuse later).
*If caught head on by your boss as you are attempting to make your exit (as I was today), say you are going out to your car to get your cell phone, or that you need a breath of air. DO NOT look meek or apologize. Showing weakness will give your management a leg up on your situation.
Most importantly, remember the equation time=$$$ . In reality you will not be able to cut out of work a few hours early all of the time. If your boss asks you to stay past the duration of the shift or until the work is complete and you will not get compensated for the amount of overtime you work, politely refuse and use an excuse that you need to pick up your son/daughter/brother/mother and you would love to stay but simply can't. Keep the excuse brief but not too rehearsed. Remember, management loves unpaid overtime hours and if you stay late once, they will expect it in the future.
Hope this tutorial helps you to be a more efficient slacker. Happy slacking!