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You Look Like I Need a Drink

**Not Quite Web 2.0**

How to Avoid 'the Crying Game' Scenario

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The bottom line is that I do actually care about you and feel pangs of anxiety when I find out that my fellow gents have been getting their freak on only to discover part way through, that they are trying to seduce a fellow man, or worse, a transgender. Today, I will briefly cover some tips and misnomers that you can follow so you don't end up retching horribly into the toilet after you find out that your date's mule is bigger than your own.

1.) Tits. Yes, this seems quite obvious that just because someone has tits it automatically makes them female. Stop and think logically for one second. And while you are at it, check other places than just the breasts. Anyone can pay for tits these days. Hell, you can take large doses of estrogen if you don't want silicone.

2.)Face. She looks like a girl you say? That's not good enough where today's world of facial reconstruction, scalp enhancement, brow position, and mandible surgeries are possible.

3.)It looks clean down south. So she has a fucking vagina--or should I say 'he' has a fucking vagina. Don't be so naive. I hate to send you here but Vaginoplasty anyone?

Ok, so we get to the root of the problem. What are you supposed to look for when trying to spot the shemale or transgender? You say, damn, with all these surgeries and marvels of modern day technology, how can I really tell if my date/girlfriend/wife is really a man? Well my 5 year old has a tip. She tells me that you can always tell if it is a girl if they have eyelashes. But on the serious side, here is what to watch for.

Telltale Signs:

1.)Facial Hair. Yes, very obvious IF you are not staring at his tits all night and in the dim club setting only happen to notice a stubble after 4 hours of bumping and grinding on the dance floor. A good place to look for facial hair is under the chin as the average sloppy male will sometimes miss a hair or two there. However, just because she has some peach fuzz on her upper lip it doesn't give you the right to curb her outside the club. And there is actually a large percentage of women that have light peach fuzz on their upper lip. So keep reading.

2.)The telltale Adam's Apple. The throat should have a protruding bump if it is a fully developed male. Still, I have read that an Adam's Apple reduction is possible. Look for scars. If the freak has a scar right where the Adam's Apple is, run like a madman.

3.)The hands. As far as I know, there are still no surgeries out that can make hands appear more feminine. If the chick you dig has huge mitts, and you have spotted other telltale signs or are slightly unsure, take the safe road and get the hell out of the tranny bar.

I hope this article helps in unravelling the mysteries of the sexual reassignment that is more prevalent in today's world than one might expect. On a side note, I have nothing against gays, drag queens, or even people who have gone through sex changes so don't call me a bigot.


posted by aL, 12:48 PM


Awww, NOW what chance do we have of getting a nice guy???
Philippa (transgendered and proud of it)
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 3:38 PM  

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